Monday, May 16, 2011

Movie Review: Priest

Greetings listeners...and in this instance readers. :)  I had the chance to watch the latest vampire flick Priest directed by Scott Stewart who also brought us the lovely p.o.s. Legion. YAY!!!!!  no.  Don’t worry there are no spoilers…not that anyone gives a rat’s ass.

Listen, I knew this was gonna be bad, but I really had no idea how bad....really really bad guys.  The opening credits are the best part of seeing this movie in theaters, well that and you get the trailer for the Fright Night remake (Tennant!!! ^_^).

 Heeeelllloooo there...


So if you happen to go see it in theaters, leave after the opening credits and get your refund…you’ll thank me later. 

To give a brief synopsis of what this hot mess is about; Priest is an adaptation of a horror Manhwa (Korean comic) about an alternate world where humans and vampires have been at war for centuries.  This sums up the back story, but the story for the film was basically about one Priest (Paul Bettany) and his quest to save the daughter of his brother (Stephen “Soookieee” Moyer).  Of course, in the eyes of the church, his quest is in defiance OF GOD!!!  Whuuut?  Because of this the church sends out the remaining Priests to hunt down Bettany and bring him back dead…or alive…I’m not sure which, I think I spaced out at that point.  Oh AND one of the former Priests who was taken by the vampires back in their heyday is now a super strong, evil, humanish, sexy vampire highbred named Ass Hat, I mean...Black Hat…played by Carl Urban.

You SHOULD be pissed Urban!!!

The world that’s been created in Priest is a very Mad Max type of atmosphere.  Everyone has crazy supped up Batpod like motorcycles, dirty leather clothes, and there's a general insanity to humans.  The motorcycles drove me insane, not only did they use a "turbo boost" on them (really?), but they showed the main characters riding them every FIVE EFFING MINUTES.  The writing was pretty atrocious too even though the original writer, Min-Woo Hyung, co-wrote it.  I guess Hyung needs to work on lines that are delivered by humans (if he's going to work on films) and not on the page of a comic.  Not only were the lines terrible but another thing that made me giggle was Paul Bettnay's voice that he forced out every scene...what, are auditioning for the next Batman gig and didn't you learn from Legion..didn't you?!?!
The fight scenes were okay, but some of the wire work needed help.  Really at this point there shouldn't be a single movie out there, especially ones being shown in 3D, that the wire work looks bad in.  The Matrix has been out for 12 years excuses, get it right.  Speaking of 3D, I can't say if it is was worth it or not because I wasn't about to shell out the dough for that.
Overall, the concept of this film would have made a much better anime in my opinion.  I see this becoming a trend (making movies out of Manga/Manhwa) and it's going to take Hollywood a long time to get it right if movies like Priest keep coming out.

This film rant was brought to you by:


JuniorPrince said...

Nice Post Tressa!

Caitlin said...

Yeah I had a feeling this was going to be a shit sandwich - good review! :)

Birdiebo said...

LOL, shit sandwich is really the best way to put it. I'm glad I could suffer through it to warn the masses.

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